An Exploration into the Depths of Me
A soul that runs as deep as the ocean… maybe that's why I always felt so at home in its silence.
My mom, stepmom, and sister all paved the way. They were very openly spiritual, but I subconsciously tried rejecting that part of me. I was always more of the “quiet observer” (as my stepmom calls me). Just taking in the path of everyone around me without making any moves that were not precisely calculated. I was always drawn to the spiritual stores, enthralled with the Buddhist way of life, and called to yoga, but I wasn’t quite ready for it yet.
I went down a traditional path. That will always be a part of me. The part who wants to play by the rules and stay in between the lines. She excels there. Meticulous and obedient, probably stemming from my early years as a competitive gymnast. I loved being inside a socially-constructed box and thriving in it.
I continued down a path of engineering and wound up at 25 years old in an office 8-10 hours a day, drinking heavily on the weekends, and married, to one of the greatest loves & lessons of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved this phase for a while. It felt safe, exciting to be a wife, and fun to be the “party girl” that had a rowdy group of friends.
But suddenly, I found a gradually thickening aching in my chest. A desire to stand up in the office and scream at the top of my lungs (lol, a funny scene if you think about it). Reflecting on it, this was likely brought on by a few trips I had taken with Mr. Psilocybin. Things in my body were starting to shift. I felt myself expanding… but I was trapped by the walls that I had built around me.
So, I listened to myself.
That little voice that told me, “there is more than this,” became deafening.
I quit my 9 to 5 career as an Environmental Engineer to pursue other projects. The first leap was the scariest.
Of course, when my safe, confined box was no longer available, I felt myself questioning the other identities I had built. My energy was swirling with questions of expanse and purpose when I found myself sitting with the strongest psychedelic in the world in Tulum, MX. I couldn’t have ever dreamed of where this medicine took me. Living through thousands of lifetimes, facing true hell, and feeling a rebirth into heaven. This 20 minute journey opened doors inside of me that were anciently locked away.
After weeks of dissociation, one message remained clear, there was healing to be done in many aspects of my life.
My body was a new born baby again and she longed to be nurtured.
I entered into a cocoon phase. I faced and released a sexual trauma from my teen years, I became comfortable expressing myself emotionally, I faced fears of vulnerability, rediscovered my voice, dove deep into creative outlets, and found the sacred meaning in the word "no."
These energetic shifts did not come without a fight. My nervous system was deeply damaged and presented itself as daily panic attacks. Things that I used to find normal (i.e. drinking, doing little party favors, having a conversation I didn’t want to be having) would send me into utter panic. I became increasingly sensitive to the energy of those around me. When things no longer fit in my life, it became painfully obvious in my emotional and physical states.
My body gave me no choice other than to keep making changes that felt good for my body. I shifted my relationship with drugs and alcohol. I quit all my side projects and focused on healing. I gave myself time & space to just be.
Luckily, the right spiritual teachers were in my life and I was guided into finding consistency with my spiritual practices. Every single day I found moments to sit with myself in silence. 10 minutes of breathwork here, 15 minutes of meditation there. I started painting, singing, cold plunging and dancing as much as possible. I was spun deeper into my cocoon with no expectation of what would emerge on the other side.
I stopped running from my depth and embraced it with open arms. My internal evolution began revealing passions & innate gifts that the previous version of me had pushed away.
What emerged from 6 months of deep inner work was strength, courage, and calmness that I had never experienced before. It presented an inner knowing that I needed to help others free themselves from the parts of their mind that are keeping them misaligned.
I launched Heal with Camille in 2022 to guide others on their journey to liberation through stillness & authentic expression.
I became inspired by my spiritual teachers and leaders like Gabor Mate, Richard Schwartz, Peter Levine, Deb Dana, & more. I drew from my 200hr YTT I received in 2018 and became a Certified Energy Healer, ICCE Method Level 2 Instructor, and Certified Anjali Breathwork Practitioner.
And yet… in my blood, I don’t feel that any certificate, class, or psychologist could teach what I uncovered through hours and hours of being with myself in stillness. It uncovered sensations that course through my veins when someone tells me their story. It shows me (what feels like) Universal messages and sensations in my body that arise when I sit with a client and help them work through their darkest hour so that they can find joy and beauty in this moment, right now.
It’s a knowing. Something that was born in me that was waiting to be explored.
A space I travel to that doesn’t have a name. A vortex, of sorts, where I go to explore other people’s energy, movements, and untouched beauty. In this space, truth, breathwork, meditation, inner-child meditative explorations, & somatic release practices flow effortlessly. They present themselves as messages, sent with love, that I can feel arise in my body and need to be shared.
I’m not a coach. I’m not a healer. I’m simply a mirror to help my clients see the beauty of their soul and the human experience.
I was divinely guided to this work because I practice what I preach. Sometimes we need to work through horrible, painful things so that we can help the collective heal… and I know that is my external purpose in this moment.
In the two years that I’ve owned my business I walked away from my marriage and spent 14 subsequent months honoring the sacredness of heartbreak without allowing anyone else’s energy into my space. I packed into 2 suitcases and moved to Tulum and then followed my heart to Costa Rica where I didn’t know a single person. I found my home, created a community, and created a life that I cry tears of joy for every day.
I continued (and will continue) to make hard life decisions, heal my heart, and find as much laughter & joy in each moment as I can, all while staying as present as possible, because I know it is the only thing in this world that matters... and its the only way to inspire others to do the same.
I know what it’s like to work through intense trauma, to have panic attacks and anxiety, to need to shift your relationship with alcohol/drugs, to mourn people who are still alive, to feel like you have everything you thought you wanted just to realize you cannot disregard that voice telling you, “there is more.”
I am you.
And I’m here to tell you that the voice is right. You can go from constant energetic turmoil to alignment, peace, and joy radiating through your body.
You are the one I’m here to guide. The one who is dedicated to internal expansion and facing darkness to find light. The one who is passionate about exploring parts of themselves that have been hidden away. The one who wants to take massive leaps in their life to help discover the new version of themselves where they feel aligned and free.
I want to help you see yourself. I want to hold the space for you to work through pain, hardship, and the deepest, ugliest parts of yourself so that you can fall in love with every part of this human experience. I want to help you to recognize that life is short and you can’t waste another second pining over what people think about you, or spend another moment in a relationship that no longer serves you. I want to help your soul break free so you can feel the radiance of the Sun and the magic in the air around you. I want you to feel like if you gaze at the stillness of the clouds for one more second, the world might explode.
That is the journey that I have embarked on…
The journey to the most intricate, beautiful details that have been overlooked, but have been with us all along.
Are you called to explore the depths of you?
I have 3 open spaces for my 8-week, 1:1 alignment journey. I'm offering a $500 scholarship opportunity for 1 of the spaces for a person who is deeply dedicated to their internal exploration journey and is ready to invest in themselves now. Click the button above to apply. ♡
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