As the Sun Fades Away

When we align with the Universe, it becomes easier to align with our hearts.

My apartment allows me to see the sunset for half of every year. Before my healing journey, I would’ve seen the sun fading out of eyesight as a sad symbol that the days are growing shorter. A few days ago, as I looked at my porch, I realized I may only have a day or two left of sunsets. The thoughts were deeper this time as I stared at the orange & purple hues of Mother Earth.

1. Have I made the best of my last few months?

2. Did I fulfill all that I thought I would since the sun was here last?

My quick answers would have been yes and no, respectively.

My life has drastically changed since March: I quit my engineering job, went on a deep psychedelic journey and began to heal teenage trauma. I focused on meaningful friendships and spent time outside to get more in touch with nature.

Six months ago, my view of fulfillment would have been continued financial success, nights out on the town and being as productive as possible in my new businesses. These desires came to a screeching halt when I decided to go on a deep spiritual journey. The fulfillment I had created in past years was based on an old version of me. Although she was always happy and succeeding, she was unhealed. Rightfully so, she was not ready to be healed.

But now, as I grow closer to the healed version of me, I’m also releasing many of my past indicators that would have made me feel like I was “not enough” before.

• Laying on the floor for days because my body was telling me “no, you need to slow down”

• Painting my feelings, because words weren’t enough

• Crying and crying

• Acknowledging suppressed pains and getting into therapy

• Going on trips, even when it wasn’t the best thing for my bank account

• Forgoing business ventures because they weren’t fulfilling my soul

• Digging deeply into what I feel is my life purpose

These are things I paid no attention to as the old version of Camille. “Rest” wasn’t an adjective I enjoyed using for myself. But as the Sun beamed in and out of my sight over the past few months, rest was exactly what my soul needed.

So, my new answer to question #2 is “no, I fulfilled more than I thought I ever would.” Giving myself time and space to cocoon and emerge as a new me as the seasons changed. Rewriting my priorities and focusing on healing, for me and for the world.

And now I ask you, how would you answer these two questions? The next time the seasons change or the sun beams into your view, how will you respond? If you are not satisfied with your answers as you reflect, how can you be sure that is different the next time around?

My hope is for ALL to find deep joy and fulfillment. I encourage you to use the Sun and Moon as your guides for reflection and accountability. At the end of it all, they are what keeps us alive, so we should honor them by actually feeling ALIVE.

Xoxo, Camille

- Personal Insta: https://www.instagram.com/camillemisbach/

- Podcast Insta: https://www.instagram.com/thedenmothers/