Being (There)
I spent one year living on the bay in San Diego. When I was walking or paddle boarding, my mind would race with thoughts of my career path, how I would transition to my next phase, what I would be doing the upcoming weekend, etc. Thoughts would riddle my mind and pull me out of the present moment… I was not actually there.
After an intense plant medicine experience, I started to notice the “loudness” of my mind. I only noticed because in moments of stillness, the silence felt deafening. I had never known the feeling of a still mind. So, I made a commitment to myself that I no longer wanted anxiety & the thoughtless thoughts of my mind to run my life. I made the commitment to feel warm and cozy in silence.
I started sitting with myself. Every single day, sitting in silence & stillness. The process was messy, as it always is. That’s the problem with our world today. We look for instant gratification. We begin to sit in meditation and get frustrated that so many thoughts come up. We think we have failed because we can’t get our mind quiet. And yet, that is the entire point. Recognizing how far we are from the present moment. Realizing that in silence, the mind can stray in a million different directions.
And then, one day, I began noticing the space between every moment, word, & thought. I could identify when my mind would stray and calmly bring it back to presence. With each recognition of space, Being revealed itself. Silence that at one time felt deafening began to feel like a safe place.
Months later at the bay, everything felt brand new. I could identify the sand between my toes, hear each wave breaking on the shoreline, feel the Oneness with the water as I navigated this stillness that felt like home.
My mind was no longer taking me away from there. Freedom. Presence. True Being.
And in the moment of having my first taste, I knew I wanted that forever.
And now I ask you: When you go to the beach, store, coffee shop, party, etc... are you actually there?
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It calmed me when you said.. I'm bringing my sexy and student of life with me. Learn,unlearn and always relearn. You've met the powers who speak in black and white. You have been chosen to heal. I love and admire you... Just me.