My Experience with Panic Attacks
Our culture is full of people saying “I’m going to have a panic attack” or “I’m having an anxiety attack” as a form of expression. I used to joke about it, too. But it wasn’t until I actually started experiencing them that I no longer wanted this to be part of who I was.
When I was a competitive gymnast as a young girl, I used to wake up in the middle of the night terrified. The walls felt as if they were caving in, my body didn’t feel like my own, and I didn’t have the words to describe what was happening to my mom. I thought they were just nightmares. I remember coming up with a strategy of how to stop them. Lay on my side, wrap my arms around my chest, stare at the corner of the room, and repeat a little mantra until I could fall asleep again.
The “nightmares” eventually stopped and I ended up going about 15 years without having one of these hellish nights.
A year ago, I started getting feelings of dissociation again. Feeling strange but not knowing what was happening. And then, after my plant medicine journey in July, the “nightmares” returned… HARD. I felt like I was a little girl again trying to helplessly explain what I was experiencing. I would have one of these terrible nights and then panic for a few days about having another one until I would have one again. It was a horrific cycle.
My life changed the day I sat down with @shanehanner and he said “Oh my god, Cami. You’re having panic attacks.” I felt an enormous sense of relief as he explained to me his history with these episodes. I felt seen and understood. It felt like validation for my 10 year old self who felt lost & scared. What I had jokingly identified with had actually been a part of my story all along.
The validation continued as my therapist verified I was experiencing panic disorder. I began learning techniques to both relieve the symptoms and take preventative measures against having them.
I’m sharing my experience with you because I don’t want anyone to feel alone. You are justified in your energetic experience, you are seen.
What has helped me is understanding why this is happening in the body:
Shallow breathing (i.e. excess CO2 in the body)
Stress
Suppressed trauma that is trying to surface
Energetic imbalance in your meridian system
Surge of adrenaline
& most likely a combination of many of those
I have tactics now that I do when I wake up in the middle of the night mid panic attack (because mine love to show up at 2am, little f*ckers). I move locations, walk around and intentionally shake my body to release stress, sometimes (if it‘s really bad) put my face in ice cold water, lay back down with my hands on my belly, and I can’t stress this last part enough… I just BREATHE. Long, deep breaths, trying to keep the exhale longer than the inhale. Essentially, just surrendering to the full experience.
More importantly, I have changed the way I live my life. And that was the hardest realization of all. My body was telling me “no” when I was doing/experiencing things. So, along with my symptom reduction strategies, I also had to:
Address my relationship with alcohol/substances
Cut out caffeine
Go home from parties when I didn’t feel energetically ok
Address trauma
Acknowledge where the relationships in my life were creating stress
Change my relationship with very loud dance music
Consistently practice breath work for 10-15 minutes a day
I know that list is daunting, but it didn’t happen overnight. I have made these choices over the past 7 months, because I really don’t want to have these my whole life. I went from having one every few days to going weeks without having one. I trust that in my body, the weeks will become months, then years, and eventually they will be a thing of the past. All because I’m learning to honor what my body & energetic spirit need.
If you’re in the same boat, you will have to do the work, too. You need to get to the root of the chaotic energy and address the things that are subconsciously creating panic. Learn about them, look deeply at yourself, reach out for help, & recognize that they don’t have to be a part of your life.
You are validated, seen, & loved. ❤️
I help guide people through their unique healing journeys to address & face trauma & anxiety. Click the link below to learn more about my 1:1 healing experience.
Camille's Instagram: instagram.com/camillemisbach
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