Perfectionism is Fu**ed
Laying in bed listening to Ed Sheeran’s song Perfect, I can’t help but reflect back on the meaning of perfect. What is this definition of perfection that we so desperately claw for?
For me, perfection was driven by what other people felt about me. I had no ideal person I looked up to. I didn’t strive for perfect, but in a way, my body image, hard partying and over achieving did that for me. From an outside party, you never would've guessed. Never knowing that underneath the layers of fun and happiness were deep suppressed pain. Honestly, I hardly knew for myself.
We live in a world of external stimulus. Plastic surgery, instagram filters and dance parties that could fool anyone. We all know it, yet we strive to be “perfect.” “Entirely without flaw,” that’s right, that is the actual definition! Can you imagine even having a word that describes such blasphemy? And do these false peaks of perfectionism that you see in the media lead to happiness? Deep connection? Truth? My answer is no.
I have seen women go through beautiful healing moments. I have now been able to share them as well. Screaming, crying, writhing in pain, yelling “fuck you” at the person who stripped away my voice many years ago - that is the closest to perfect I’ve ever felt in my life. Allowing women to hold me, cradle me as if I was a newborn, cry with me.
Would this be seen as perfect to other people? By our societal standards/definitions, no. And also, just maybe, that is a sign that “perfect” is never what we should’ve been striving for in the first place. The only deep rooted image our society needs is to accept healing, vulnerability and the pains of covering up what truly plagues us. Placing meaning and value in showing emotions.
We do the same thing in relationships. Push down emotions and truth to keep the “perfect” image. But hey, even Jim and Pam had their issues, am I right?! (little The Office reference, no biggie). Talk to your partner about what frustrates you, go to therapy, tell your friends you are in therapy and make it known that we are NOT striving for perfection; we are striving for growth, honesty, sadness when it is needed, ugly crying (if you feel like it) and raw, true love for ourselves and our partners.
So, Ed Sheeran, maybe this woman you found is perfect to you, and that is wonderful. Thank you for sharing beautiful lyrics that fill my eyes with tears. And also - FUCK the idea of perfectionism. Now excuse me while I go ugly cry and tend to my self-care needs.
XO, Cami
More thoughts on this subject and how it relates to our sex lives on Episode 11 The Sex Den podcast:
Personal instagram: instagram.com/camillemisbach
Podcast instagram: instagram.com/thedenmothers
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